7.

originally written in April 2010

I have stayed in touch with several of the people from the Rehab of the Pacific, they asked me to write an article about my recovery for a newsletter to be distributed in March. This is what I came up with:


Nikki's TBI recovery story


"I remember realizing I was in a hospital, and I saw my Mom which made me know I was safe. I remember all the different therapists and the doctor from the rehab hospital but I had no idea why I was there or how long I had been there. The story goes something like this: I was a passenger in a jeep and somehow I was ejected from said jeep. I broke 4 ribs, a lot of the small bones in my face as well as my left clavicle. Lastly, I suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. I was taken to the Kona Hospital on the Big Island following the accident but it was determined that I needed more help than they could provide, I was life flighted to Queens hospital on Oahu. I endured three weeks in a coma and several more weeks of semi-comatose behavior. There is a large void in my memory surrounding the accident and the beginnings of my recovery. From what I understand I was polite and not too difficult. I was transferred to the Rehab hospital of the Pacific, also in Oahu. I know that I am lucky that the medical professionals and therapists assigned to my case were all determined to help me get better. I now have a vision deficit, my vestibular system throws alot of curve balls my way. My balance has been greatly affected and I am diligently working to re-train my brain to function in my new life. I much later heard the story of the accident that changed my life. I am so grateful to my family and to the friends (who are now considered family) that gave of their time, thoughts, prayers, and energy because without them I honestly don't know if I could have made it this far. I am so grateful that I do not remember the car accident that landed me in this mess. I do not want to be afraid to be a passenger in a vehicle. Hopefully one day I will be able to drive myself again.
How has life changed? How hasn't it. I try not to zero in on what I have lost but appreciate what I still have. Of course things like medical insurance and social security disability make it a challenge! I no longer live on my own, I no longer make a salary for doing a job that I love, I speak slower, my voice is different. I have to concentrate to make sure my body functions in a somewhat "normal" fashion. I can walk, talk, see, hear, taste and try to do better. It has been a personal battle just to get here and I want to go further. I want to go back to working a fulfilling career, I want to drive again, I want to live on my own again. I want all of those things yesterday, and I want for this nightmare to have never happened, but it did and now its my duty to do everything I can to get better. Now I wear glasses which means I can see where I'm walking, I don't run into things, and I won't injure myself by cooking in the kitchen (the dangers of sharp knives and heat are greater for anyone with a TBI). It's shocking to me that once upon a time I didn't have to do things so slowly, that it was just second nature to do simple things like walk one step down into the garage, cross the street, exercise, concentrate for long periods of time. I very recently hit the six month anniversary of my accident. I do not know what my future holds and I can honestly tell you that I am tired. I am tired of fighting this uphill battle, I am tired of having to try so hard, but this is my reality. All of the broken bones have healed - there are thankfully few scars. I do have one shoulder that still causes me pain, but I am working on that with my doctors. I had to stop going to the brain injury rehab program in December because my medical insurance didn't think I needed anymore therapy. I was also recently denied social security disability. It infuriates me that people that have never met me have any modicum of control over my life. They say I'm disabled, just not disabled enough. What I need right now is a little help, I'm asking for a little monetary assistance to help ends meet while I fight this battle. What really infuriates me is that I was a contributing member of society, I worked, I voted, I paid taxes. Now I have to jump through innumerable hoops to see if I qualify for things. My family helps me fill out crazy amounts of paperwork, I am assigned to see doctors who are strangers to me yet they have deciding powers. What I want for myself is a quality of life comparable to the life I led before. I will accept the changes that come along but I don't have to like it. For now I can work hard and hope for more. I believe in the power of positive thinking and I will persevere...watch me".

Supposedly, this story will be printed in a newsletter at the Rehab of the Pacific.  Once I get this blog posted I would like for my therapists at the Rehab of the Pacific and at the Brain Injury Program at Scripps Encinitas to be able to access my story to possibly inspire anyone who is at a different stage of their recovery.  Recovery is possible, it seems huge and unattainable but trust me, with alot effort and endless amounts of hope you can get better!  I do realize that I sound like an after school special but I am living proof that although things may seem unattainable, reach a little further and I think you will be amazed at what can happen.