September

Originally written 9/10/2010     

Its been a wild week of doctors appointments and therapy - we have been going up to Encinitas everyday this week except Monday, thankfully my mom is willing to drive me around and doesn't complain at all! Today I am having my first mammogram - I hear they are unpleasant and I am really not looking forward to it but I am glad that my doctor is getting me started on it early because I think early detection is the key and I'm glad my doctor is having me start 5 years before the "minimum" age. I have had too much medical crap in my life lately, now I just go to my appointments and do what they tell me..


Originally written 9/14/2010
I spoke with one of my therapists today about my life now.  She was concerned about how people can get caught up in their own lives, time goes by and from the outside it seems like you are better, in an obscure way it can feel like people forget that you are still healing.  Yes, I have healed some - yes, my days are easier than they once were but what needs to be remembered is that I still have a long way to go on my healing journey.  I have my off days, I get grumpy and I want to cry from time to time.  I am still human, my feelings still get hurt, and I still have moments when I feel like my world is falling apart.  I will always feel lucky and blessed that I survived this accident, I will always want to know exactly what happened and how it happened and yet I know that I will never have the answers to my questions.  There is a definite difference in how my life is now compared to when I first came home from the hospital.  I am still fighting to get better but now I am in a place where I have partially healed - I am not ready to live on my own yet and I am not ready to get a job yet, I still cannot drive but I have a definite interest in being included in events still.  Of course I need a way to get to the event and I need a place to stay if a night runs late (yes, it is just like being a teenager again).  I feel like I miss alot because things come along but I may not have a way to get there or I may not have a place to spend the night so I end up staying home and being bummed out that I am missing things again.  I guess the hardest thing about this healing process now is this limbo-stage.  I am getting there but I'm not there yet,  I wish I knew how to combat these feelings of being unimportant or of being forgotten.  I don't have anything new to add to a conversation - I don't have stories from the work place I don't have dating catastrophe's to share, life feels very boring and all too familiar these days.  I suppose I could talk about the challenges that my trainer throws my way at the gym or I could talk about the Nifty Knitter I am dabbling with...I am boring myself with this junk...