11.

Written April 2010

Someone asked me the other day "Why are you writing a blog, what are you going to write about?"  Immediately I thought "Didn't you see Julie and Julia?"  Obviously I think my story should be turned into a movie, just the way "Julie's"  was.  I would love it if my story was interesting enough to be made into a movie - but my life is actually a little boring these days.  I wake up, have breakfast and look at my day.  I might have a doctors appointment, I might have therapy. I might vounteer at the library, I might play Wi, I might walk at the lake, I might make it to the gym, it almost never changes.  Sometimes I have plans with my friends if I'm lucky but everyone has their own life and with those lives come responsibilities and schedules that don't allow them to put me in the limelight all of the time .  Which is actually a good thing because I am not comfortable when I am the center of attention, I feel most comfortable when I am a little bit on the outside, looking in.  Of course, I like to have a front row seat and be close to the center of attention because I do not want to miss anything!  Thankfully, my friends don't mind coming to pick me up and driving wherever we may be going.  I am grateful everyday that my friends are there to support me and pick up the pieces when I start to drop them.  It's amazing how lonely life can be when you don't have socialization forced on you, when you can't just hop in the car and run errands or when you don't have a job to go to everyday.  I catch myself looking back at pictures of times pre-accident when everything was just easier.  I didn't appreciate it at the time but it amazes me to think aboutt the time when I didn't have to pre-plan my every move.

Yes, things were easier awhile ago but I honestly think I like myself a little bit more now.  I think about others more, I look for the good in people, I am better at understanding hard times, I am more patient with people than I used to be.  I wish that I would have come to this epiphany on my own but I didn't, maybe that is the reason for this accident.  I am finally OK with being alone, maybe I won't find my forever with someone else and for the first time I can honestly say that no longer scares the shit out of me.