September, October, November 2011

So, I did write a post for last month but I always check with a few others before I post - to make sure I am not disclosing too much information and to make sure that I am not offensive to others...obviously something was wrong because I did not post for the past few months.  I wasn't offensive so apparently I was putting a little too much info out there into cyber-world.
To sum up September:
still working away at Weight Watchers, thus far I have lost about 25 pounds, yay me!  I am still getting to the gym at least four times a week - unless we are traveling, then I try to squeeze in workouts when I can.  I helped make the food for a luncheon bridal shower for a family friend.    We made it over to Las Vegas once to see Jackson, he is still the cutest baby in the world.  He will always be the cutest baby in the world to me.
October:
 In one way it seems like a lot happened in October, in another way it seems kind of like a slow month.  A good family friend got married at a very cool venue in Newport Beach, se we all headed up to Newport to get onto a boat that cruised us around for several hours while we saw the ceremony and had the reception on the boat.  Friends from Washington were able to make it down for the wedding and I was able to pal around with my friend Maddy.  She's 4...and AWESOME.  She did ask me if I would come to her house to play, how do you explain: she lives in Washington, I live in San Diego?....makes for a tough play-date but hopefully I can visit them sometime....we will have to have a dance party to re-live the wedding reception.

I managed to get through another birthday, hard to believe that I am 37 years old - holy crap.  The funny thing about going through an accident such as the one I miraculously survived is that I no longer fear getting older.  I am simply ecstatic to still be here and turn a year older.  In my confused time after I woke up from my coma I was apparently telling people I was 26 years old when they asked how old I was....needless to say I was WAY off - I turned 35 while in the hospital, a few weeks after I had woken up...26, 35, whatever.  This year a few girlfriends treated me to breakfast at World Famous in Pacific Beach which was lovely, we had the valet take our picture but it didn't turn out so hot - on this you will just have to trust me.  I helped make the food for Danielle's baby shower:  Laura provided a lovely Fruit Display with a yummy Fruit Dip, we had a Roasted Corn, Black Bean and Jicama Salad, Caprese Salad, Turkey Salad, and Pumpkin Cupcakes with Mascarpone Cream Cheese Icing.  All in all it was a lovely day and Danielle brought a beautiful baby boy into the world towards the end of the month!

At the end of October we went to Las Vegas so we could be with Jackson for his first Halloween.  He was a monkey, the cutest darn monkey you have ever seen.  We went to a kids neighborhood Halloween party at a new local mall, we also got to see his music class - so cute!  He is a little Maestro and a 4 person band plays music for the class (of sometimes 1, sometimes 2 children).  We don't get to go to Vegas in November but we are going twice in December, first for Cowboy Christmas (and the Rodeo Finals) and then again for Jackson's first birthday, followed by Christmas.   

This toy dances to the Monster Mash, Jackson likes to dance with him

   At the very end of the month Dad and I headed to Oakland, Ca. to visit with two specialists for my head injury - more on that next month!

November
Time is just flying by...I guess the holidays will do that to you!  I went to Oakland with my dad to see a few specialists, both of whom were so nice and so smart....I also found out a few things I hadn't heard before in regards to my injuries.  Apparently the reason why my right side always feels so cold is because I am lacking so much feeling on the right side....which results in it always feeling cold.  I asked if anything could be done to change that....I got a big fat "NO" as my answer - bummer.  They also did some testing with my vision and found that I can see things with my left eye, but the brain injury has made it so I cannot transfer information that I see with my left eye...I can transfer the information if I am using both of my eyes...weird.  Is there anything that can be done?  Nope...just keep on truckin' I suppose.  We were in Oakland when the Occupy Oakland mess reached its peak, the city was majorly affected but luckily we were able to get to my doctor's offices and we were able to get to everything we needed.  I also got to see my friend Jacyn who I met back on the Big Island of Hawaii.  We worked at the same restaurant and shared a great group of friends.  We went to dinner, had a glass of wine and just spent some time catching up, it was awesome and I cannot believe I did not have someone take our picture!


We spent Thanksgiving with dear family friends in Vista.  Dana and John made a fabulous turkey and it was a very nice way to spend the day.

Let's see...what else?  Were going to Las Vegas again at the beginning of December, I promise to write about December soon.

Love and Aloha, Nikki

December 2011

December 1 - 6 we were in Las Vegas, it was Dad's birthday and we went to the NFR (National Finals Rodeo) at UNLV.  We were able to be a part of Jackson's first rodeo experience which is so cool.

Jackson's first cowboy boots

Trace Adkins sang the National Anthem

I was also lucky enough to spend some time with my friend Ty, he lives in Hawaii but was in Vegas for business...we spent some time at the Conservatory at the Bellagio and got to see it decorated for winter, we also went to dinner at Firefly - one of my favorite spots, delicious tapas and bartenders and waiters who are just fun to look at

I went to dinner with my friend Kimberley recently, we celebrated the holidays at PF Chang's and then we went to see the "Holiday of Lights" in Del Mar, it was very cool to be able to actually drive around the racetrack.  A few days later I got to catch up with my friend Cheri who I had not seen in 7 years.  Cheri has recently moved back to San Diego and I am looking forward to seeing her more often!  We have been reliving some of our old adventures at the Wyndham Emerald Plaza...geez, I feel old!

                                                    Dinner at the Local with Cheri

Holiday wine at the Hotel Del Coronado

Most of the rest of the month was spent in Vegas celebrating the holidays and Jackson's first birthday.  Jamie and Nate had a lovely 1st birthday party for Jackson, monkey-themed of course.  We went a little nuts with decorating for the theme but really - would you expect any less when you have a teacher, a pastry chef and a "crazy craft lady" (sorry mom) planning the shin-dig?

                                              Name banner in the form of a jungle vine

                                           Hanging giggle monkeys for the guest kiddos

                                      a photo from each month of the first year of Jackson's life

                    Banana cupcake filled with banana pudding, chocolate frosting and monkey faces

 1st birthday cake, decorated by Mimi

We made it through the birthday and settled right into Christmas.  We spent the morning at Nate and Jamie's house watching Jackson open his gifts.....he is not a ripper with the wrapping paper and he wasn't all that interested in the whole process but I think we will see a bit of a change next year.

                                                   

                                                       

                                                           

                                                         Dr. Seuss holiday shirt

                                               

                             hey, who gave my bull a green solo cup?  Now it is really a party!

                                         mommy tried to ride my bull but she's a little too tall

                                                          bowling at the Red Rock

As 2011 comes to a close I look back over the last year and I am so grateful for so many things.  I am blessed with fantastic friends who always go out of their way to make sure I am included in as much as possible.  I have re-connected with a friend whom I was afraid was gone from my life, looking forward to adding new memories of adventures with Cheri!  I took a trip to Arizona to visit my friend Heather, she had a girls night full of food and fun so I could meet her fabulous  group of girlfriends.  I have gained some strength back from my dedication to the gym and the tricks of my fantastic trainer.  I was finally allowed to have the surgery that alleviated the pain in my left shoulder.  I have lost 25 pounds (thank you Weight Watchers) and hope to loose a little more, I approach food in a different way now, I see it as fuel for my workouts yet I haven't lost my taste for the finer things and I still love to try new restaurants and new foods...I just steer clear of the fried cheese these days.  I would also like to mention my family for being one of the things I am most grateful for this year.  I am blessed to have the support of wonderful people and Nate and Jamie added to the family, giving me just one more reason to fight to keep on getting better.  If you had asked me a year ago if I ever though I would fall in love again the answer would have been a resounding "NO", yet one look at my nephew and that decision completely fell by the wayside - who would have thought that the love of my life would be short and bald?.  XOXO

May you all have a fantastic 2012, keep loving one another and keep taking care of one another!  All my love and much aloha, Nikki

August 2011

Before surgery

Broken bone sticking into trapezes muscle, causing pain for 2 years

one long-running stitch under the skin

This month started out with a bit of a change, I finally received surgery on my left clavicle...long story short - my collar bone was broken in the accident, at the time of my initial hospitalization there were so many other things taking precedence that my collar bone had to be over-looked,  basically what happened was the bone broke, it healed in a super-funky way yet the broken end with a very sharp piece of bone was stuck in the trapezius muscle.  Unfortunately this led to copious amounts of pain which led me to an Orthopaedist who was unwilling to do surgery at the beginning because my brain injury was too fresh and we weren't willing to take any risks with general anestethia...so we waited 2 years and to assist with the pain my physical therapist would tape my shoulder to alleviate the pain from the bone digging into the muscle - but physical therapy ended and I no longer had someone who could tape me together, when I went back to the doctor he unfortunately did not think enough time had gone by to do surgery.  Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful that my doctors have all approached helping me by erring on the side-of-caution to give me the best chance of achieving the most healing but I cannot begin to describe the pain and the constant ache involved in an injury that causes a consistent reminder that you are still not whole.  Fast Forward to July 2011 and I finally received the news that enough time had gone by to where my Doctor felt like it would be safe to finally do the surgery where he pulled the bone out of the muscle and shaved the bone down where it was sticking up.  Sounds fun, doesn't it?  I was a little worried about the effects of the anastethia because lord knows that I do not need anymore challenges and if I had any setbacks in the brain from this surgery I know I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself for pushing for the surgery.  Thankfully I can say that everything on the brain-front seems to be as good as can be expected.  Now I am just waiting for everything in my shoulder to start to feel better.  I got the stitches out yesterday, I go back to the doctor in 2 weeks and I think I am getting close to being able to get back to the gym.  So, now my shoulder won't be causing me constant pain yet I will have had a setback in regards to Weight Watchers....I can always get back to concentrating on my weight loss, right?  Now, a month later, I have been back to my doctor three times and he is very happy with the result of the surgery.  He says the scar may get a little worse over time due to sun exposure but all in all I am thrilled and frankly, I earned any scar that comes along.

stitches removed!

I am stunned at how "normal" it looks now!

Mom and I went to the mall to get a few things the other day, according to mom; as we were walking through the mall some dude from one of the kiosks took notice of me.  When she asked me if I had noticed I told her that I had not, which was the honest truth.  I also explained that as much as I know I have gotten better I still cannot even imagine that any man would be interested in taking all this on.  Yet I do understand that if you were simply looking at me, you would know nothing of the accident and the injuries.  I had a girlfriend ask me what would be important to me in a partner now, was it different than before the accident?  Without even having to think about it I told her that the most important thing to me is that I have to feel safe, before all of this I thought about things like: 1). Does he make me laugh?  2).  Am I attracted to him and his personality?  3).  Do I trust him not to break my heart?  Are those things still important?  Sure, but the absolute number one thing of importance is ***Do I feel safe?  Will that person get me from point A to point B safely?  Will my comfort level and safety be considered?  Will he look out for me in any situation?  Yeah - I know that actually dating is WAY off in the future - if ever -  but those are the things hat come to mind these days.
I went back to Weight Watchers after surgery, I was nervous to step on the scale because I had not been working out and for me hitting the gym is key.  All in all I gained 0.2 pounds, not terrible.  The following week I gained nothing and I lost nothing.  This week I went back to the gym for the first time and although my workout is significantly different than before my surgery I was capable of getting back into it.  I go back to the doctor on the 29th of the month and I will find out when I can start back with my trainer.  I am also very interested in seeing how long it takes me to get back up to the intensity of where I was prior to my surgery.  Today was Weight Watchers weigh-in day once again and I lost that 0.2 pounds so I am right back to where I started weight-wise pre-surgery, the total loss is 20.2 lbs. for now.  I have returned to the gym 4 - 5 days per week and tonight I am going to attempt to take a Zumba class....which should be entertaining if nothing else - my balance still sucks so dancing in a class full of people may not be in the cards for me but I won't find out if I don't at least try.  I do have Zumba for Wii that I attempt in my own living room, I think I know what I am in for but realistically I may not be able to handle this damn class - only time will tell.
We did get to go to Vegas again this month and visit Jackson...8 months old and the best looking kid around, I know I am biased but too bad.  He had two little teeth at the time of our visit and on my, so cute!  We went to watch him in his Gymboree class and he was flirting away with a few of the ladies...I think we may have a little heart-breaker on our hands....

Looking forward to visiting Heather in Arizona in September....until next month, much love and aloha~

July 2011

It has been 1 year and 11 months since the accident, it's hard to believe so much time has gone by.   I definitely have days where I fail to remember where I began my journey of recovery but then I look back at photos from the hospital and it still stuns me - every time.  I hope that it always has a bit of a jarring affect on me, I want to always remember the struggles I faced in re-connecting those neurons in my brain so that I will always be grateful for this gift we call life.
It has been a good month ~ so far my sister and her family came to town to visit, I made dessert for a few friends who were each given baby showers, we took my nephew to the beach and the San Diego Zoo, I finally had a follow-up appointment with my Orthopaedist, and I had a 4-month follow up with my neurologist, as well as I am still making progress with Weight Watchers.  Jamie, Nate, and Jackson came into town so all of us ladies and Jackson could go to the baby shower for Lindsey.  Jamie and Jackson stayed through the following weekend, Nate returned to Vegas for the week for work but then came back to San Diego so they could attend a wedding and we could watch Jackson for two nights.  I made ladybug cupcakes for Lindsey's shower because there is a little lady on the way!  The cupcakes turned out really cute, thank goodness for the Internet so I can borrow ideas!  We had a blast with Jamie and her gorgeous family, I could sit and watch that child forever.  We took Jackson to the beach for the first time - what a production!  We took a pop-up tent to create a good amount of shade, plus beach chairs, sunblock, snacks, drinks, toys, cameras, etc.  Some of Nate's family was also able to make it for the day so there were many people accompanying Jackson on his first trip to the sand!

We also took Jackson to the Zoo.  Uncle Connor also came with us, he also pushed the stroller for a big portion of the day...what a cool uncle Jackson has!

  Jamie and I found a gorgeous dress for her to wear to the black-tie wedding, spending the day shopping with your sister is such a lovely way to waste the day.  Jamie and Nate went to stay in Del Mar for the wedding, we spent the time hanging with Jackson.  I know that I am biased, and I know that I am supposed to think my nephew is extra cute and extra smart but I very much truly believe that Jackson is one of the most gorgeous, most brilliant children on the planet and nobody can tell me that I am wrong, because quite simply I will know that you are lying.  Let's see...what else?  I finally got to go back and see Dr. Skyhar to find out if it was time to finally do something about my left shoulder.  He had an intern with him and when we looked at the x-rays of my clavicle my doctor (who-shall-remain-nameless for the sake of this blog)explained that my shoulder was one of the strangest things he had seen in all of his years of practicing medicine - is that something one can be proud of?  He scheduled me for a CT for the following week and then another appointment so we could look at the CT together and he could explain what we were looking at...holy crap!  First, the CT scan is super cool but seeing that view of my shoulder is also VERY weird.  You can see where it broke, you can see where you would think the bone would grow to repair the damage, and then you can see where it actually grew...again, I say holy crap.  We have surgery scheduled for August 2nd, exactly 2 years and 1 day post-accident.  The surgery is actually and outpatient procedure so I won't have to stay overnight in the hospital if all goes as planned.  A "small" incision will be made so they can go in and remove the bone from the muscle and then shave the bone down so it is no longer protruding.  Supposedly enough time has gone by that putting me to sleep should be safe and its not a lengthy procedure so I won't be out for an extended period of time; the shorter the procedure the better for my brain.  They say the recovery shouldn't be too bad, I am just going to wait and see.  I hope that the surgery makes it possible for me to get a better range of motion in that shoulder, which should in turn make it a better possibility for me to return to working in a professional kitchen again.  I know me and I tend to take double the estimated time to get back to "normal", so if they say I should be able to return to the gym 2 weeks post surgery I am going to say that it will take me 4 weeks....I guess we just wait and see.  I also returned to my neurologist this month, my last appointment with him was 4 months ago.  He was very pleased with my progress and politely told the Navy doctor that was shadowing him that I could be the poster child for Brain Injury, he explained the severity of my injuries and described the length of the coma, I think she was impressed with the amount of recovery thus far which definitely felt good!  He then asked about my love life, to which I truthfully told him was non-existent, I told him that if he could introduce me to somebody it would be greatly appreciated.  He then said he would if I would name my first born after him...done!  I am in!  Last night I got to go to dinner with some girlfriends, Carrie is in town and it was so great to have as many of the ladies together as possible.

Carrie, Kate and I, on the way to dinner

It is so hard to believe that tomorrow is Live Day, the 2nd anniversary of the accident.  I am truly grateful that I am here to discuss it, at the same time I am still stunned when I think about the drama of the past two years.  We recently went on a road trip to Redondo Beach and although I was not driving I still sat through the traffic and that is when I realized that I may not be as close to getting back to driving as I had hoped.  Then again, maybe I can just chalk the panic up to LA traffic...do I need Post Traumatic Stress counseling?   Last year we celebrated Live Day with a party, this year we are not having a party...instead, I will be prepping for shoulder surgery - does the fun of traumatic brain injury ever end? Think good thoughts for me on Live Day and on August 2nd (surgery day)...I will keep you posted on what's to come.

June

It has been too long since I have posted...the following will bring you up-to-date with June, I am writing July as we speak...

Summer has finally rolled around - I wonder what this season will bring.  Mom and I just spent a week in Texas visiting with family.  It was so good to see everyone and I got to spend some time with my cousins, Aunt and Uncle, and the kiddos - what cool peeps they are!  Today starts the summer session of my Occupational Opportunities class at Mesa, the summer session has been reduced to only 3 weeks-long so it should go by quickly.  At the end of the month we will be venturing back to Las Vegas...I cannot believe my nephew will be 6 months old already!  Now that we have returned from Texas I have started back at my gym, it is shocking to me that I actually feel more like myself when I can hit the gym...who knew that exercise could become so addictive?  OK, alot of people probably already knew that but who knew I would actually become one of the exercise addicts!?  We are trying to find a good time to get back over to Hawaii to clear out my storage unit, I am looking forward to seeing all of my friends from my hotel and I am definitely looking forward to some sun and some sand, I have a feeling that Lauren and I will find our way into something fabulous...who knows.  I am not looking forward to clearing out my storage unit, although I CANNOT wait to get my professional culinary knives back - what a weird thing to miss!  I am sure that the sorting of stuff will seem endless and I have a feeling it will be a bittersweet trip, closure to the Hawaiian chapter of my life, unfortunately I was not ready for that chapter to come to a close but it did and now its time to move on...somehow.
I returned to Weight Watchers after missing 2 weeks of meetings.  I am very happy that I lost some more weight - in fact, I dropped enough to now be at my 10% weight loss "goal".  I have a long way to go but I am definitely seeing some positive changes and I am finally starting to feel like myself again.  With the weight loss I am finding it necessary to buy some clothes that actually fit me, anyone who knows me understands that this very well might be the singular reason that I consistently go to the gym....It is rather pathetic that it has taken me almost 2 years to get to this point but hey, I am working on it.  Ultimately I am hoping to treat myself to a fabulous pair of new jeans when I finally get down to my goal weight....who knows how long this process will take but Those jeans are the carrot I am dangling in front of me to keep going.
Last weekend the girls got together for "brunch" at Kate's house, it was great to see most of my favorite ladies in one place.  Opening day at the Del Mar racetrack is coming up next month, I hope I can get out to the races at least once this season.
What else is going on?  We leave Monday to go to Vegas for Jackson's 6-month birthday celebration, the day was actually 6/24/2011 but we are going to miss it by a little bit.  Jamie is planning on putting him in the pool for the first time at Nate's Mom's house, suffice it to say I CAN'T WAIT!  I bought Jackson a pair of big-boy swim trunks, they have monkeys and skulls and crossbones on them, he is already one of the cutest kids on Earth so the trunks will just put him on another level all together.....I'm not biased or anything.
I met my counselor for the WorkabilityIII program, Bree is super nice and I think she will be great to work with.  Right now I am just putting the final touches on my resume and hopefully we will start working on getting some interviews lined up shortly.
Today was my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers, I had no idea what to expect but I had a good weigh-in, lost another 1.6 Lbs and am now at a total loss of 18.4 Lbs, I am pretty darn proud of myself!  I went to the gym before my meeting today because we are going to the Padres game tonight to celebrate Lindsey's 30th birthday, private suite and all!  Afterwards I am going to Kimberley's house, we will be going out for a late dinner and then we are going to the Zoo tomorrow, fun times, fun times!

5/15/2011, 5/21,2011

I had a fairly busy week...let's see:
Sunday: Mother's Day: set mom up with a nice gift that I split with Jamie and then I made dinner for the family

Monday: appointment with my trainer at the gym
Tuesday: Occupational Opportunities class at Mesa, workout at the gym
Wednesday: appointment with my trainer at the gym
Thursday: 6 month check-up with Dr. Tasto for my contacts
Friday: intake appointment with Workability III, workout at the gym
Saturday: Weight Watchers meeting and weigh-in, walk to the gym from weight watchers, workout at the gym, out to dinner with Scott, Beth, mom & dad
Sunday: laundry & errands

What do I mention first?  I have kicked my workouts at the gym up to 5 times per week, I have also conquered 45 minutes on the elliptical machine...which is still absolutely amazing to me - when I think back about how far I have come since joining the gym I am simply stunned.  I remember the first few times I went to the gym and how scary it was to even figure out if I could climb up on the elliptical machine to be able to use the damn thing...I was able to get on the machine on shaky legs, but could I expend the energy to actually use the machine?  I started very slow, only about 10 minutes...and now I can successfully complete 45 minutes at a decent speed and decent level of difficulty; its things like this success that make me do a little happy dance and keep working to move forward.  I worked with a vocational specialist who was suggested to me by my neurologist, he and his office did some testing to see what I would be capable of handling as far as work goes.  They also recommended that I sign up to attend a class at Mesa college called Occupational Opportunities, I have since signed up and have begun attending the course.  It was also suggested that I work with the State Department of Rehabilitation to assist with any challenges that come my way.  Workability III is a partnership between the San Diego Community College District and Department of Rehabilitation, it is considered a "Disability Support Program/Service".  Here is where I should mention that I have a hard time accepting the fact that I am now disabled, because I just don't consider myself disabled.  Technically I fit into the definition of "disabled", and I agree that I could use a little more guidance and I am in need of my benefit money but I don't see "disabled" when I look in the mirror.  I suppose understanding it and accepting it will come in time...
What else?  Oh...weight watchers was good this week, I lost another 1/2 Lb, bringing the total lost to 13 pounds...pretty cool!  Of course I want it to be going faster but my trainer very patiently reminded me that slow weight loss is best and he also said that I need to remember that I am definitely gaining muscle with all of my working out...am I skinny yet?  Let's be realistic, I will never be considered skinny, accept it, move on...That's pretty much it for now...

5/21/2011

So most of you know that I am recovering from an accident that occurred back in August of 2009...I tend to talk about how much better I know I have gotten and how much stronger I feel...what I tend not to do is wallow in self pity. Here is where I will mention that there are still big obstacles for me to avoid - for instance this past Monday after a good workout at the gym I heated up a weight watchers meal in the microwave, I went to pull the cooked meal out of the microwave and failed to use any kind of hot pad to guard my hands. The main problem with this brilliant maneuver is that I have lost alot of the feeling on my whole right side, I was getting a steam burn on the part of my wrist that wasn't covered with a sleeve...by the time I actually felt the burning sensation I had managed to achieve 2nd degree burns on my right wrist, and then I tweaked the tray and cooked food spilled out of the tray and onto my arm....let me just tell you that cooked pasta with a little melted cheese really stick to the skin. I have since been out of commission for most of the week although I did try to go to the gym and meet with my trainer yesterday, of course after taking a look at my wrist he knew we had to change up my routine dramatically...needless to say we worked on abs and core while seated on the floor. Tomorrow is the WalkIt Challenge 5K and I really want to participate but I'm not sure how that will actually go, at least I will go and try, I think I can manage to walk the distance, hopefully my balance will be in OK condition tomorrow and I can walk the 5K...we will see, wish me luck!  The good news is that I managed to loose another 1 Lb. this past week, which is really good considering the fact that I was barely able to workout this week....stupid burn.  Now I am sitting at a 14 Lb. weight loss, yay me!

So, I did it ~ I completed the 5K!  It was a challenge for me, not because of the distance but because of the terrain....the ground had multiple different levels and multiple different ground coverings, it was a challenge but I am happy to say that I did it! 



Day 6 of the burn, still healing






Much love and aloha

5/9/2011

I have finally caught up with posting everything I previously wrote and we are now in "current time", the last post was sometime around Christmas 2010...now its May, what has been going on for the past few months?  I have been working with the California Department of Rehabilitation as well as I have been attending an "Occupational Opportunities" class at Mesa College.  I will be going to an intake appointment at a program called Workability III this Thursday, the idea behind working with all of these programs is that they will assist me in getting back into the work force, it would be really nice to feel like I was capable of making some money and taking care of myself once again.  I do know how blessed I am to have such wonderful, giving people in my life, I am just SO ready to be doing more for myself.  I still have visions of a successful future dancing in my head, now I just have to figure out a way to get there.  Right now I depend on my parents and sometimes friends to take me from place to place...I want to drive more that I did when I had a permit at age 15.  Remember how badly you wanted your permit to turn into a legal license because it meant freedom...that is the best comparison I can make.  I am still attending sessions at the gym with my trainer and I am feeling more and more capable as time crawls by.  I joined Weight Watchers back in February because I needed a little guidance, I know that the doctors and my therapists all talked about weight gain with major head injuries, but my weight gain was getting out of control and I really wanted to see a change for the positive.  They did say a weight gain of 60 - 100 Lbs. was common, OK - so I wasn't anywhere near that much of a gain but come on, I am 5'2", weight shows quickly on this short frame!

Saturday was my "weigh-in" day and happily I can report back that I lost another 1.8 Lbs., the total is now 12.6 Lbs!....I get a little overwhelmed when I think about the fact that I have a LONG way to go but if I can keep plugging away the way I have been I should be able to accomplish what I set my mind to - and my trainer at the gym is totally in my corner and believes in me in a very positive way, which helps immensely.  Yesterday was Mother's Day and I always show my love by cooking something special, we bought crab and shrimp but I was smart about options and dipping sauces - I avoided clarified butter and opted for a citrus "Mojo Sauce" that fit nicely into my plan.  All in all with the wine and the dessert I did exceed my daily points a little but that just means I dipped into my weekly extra allotment.  I have also decided to kick up my workouts a bit by adding an extra day per week to the gym, so now I will be going to the gym 5 times and walking around the lake (a total of just over 5 miles around) one day per week, allowing myself 1 full day off per week.  I have very recently made it to 40 minutes on the elliptical machine and I have to say I am very proud of that accomplishment!  I have also continued with the ab bench and the hip flexor machines to continue working on my core and I have kicked up the treadmill to 45 minutes to an hour at a "speed" of 3.3-3.5, most of which I am able to walk without holding on to the balance bar attached to the machine, I wish I could attempt to jog but I know that I cannot.  My accident really did a number on my vestibular system and I am grateful that I have gotten as much back as I have but I simply cannot help myself from wanting a little more.  I catch myself at the gym, watching other people jog so easily on their treadmill and mumbling in my own head about how easy it must be for them....really, how do I know that it is easy for them?  Maybe they are facing their own set of challenges that I am simply unaware of, if someone were looking at me they probably wouldn't see a disability - which I am truly grateful for but it is there, underneath the surface.  I do make a point of challenging myself, on days where I feel a little more "off" than usual I may have to slow the treadmill down by 0.1 but I still walk the long distance without holding on to anything (if at all possible)...and I do notice that when I finish on the machines I am more unstable than I used to be but what did I think would happen?  I have to be a little more careful of walking to the locker room and making every effort to stay standing upright while I get myself there but I truly believe that the efforts I am making at the gym are making a positive difference in my recovery, and oddly enough, I like going to the gym, I feel like I am accomplishing something by being there and its a strange bit of social interaction from time to time.

My neurologist has cut back on my number of appointments (I am down to 4 per year - wahoo

The last big thing I am going to mention is the happiest, my beautiful nephew was born on Christmas Eve.  Jamie and Nate have taken to parenthood beautifully.  Jackson is the light and love of my life...too much pressure?  He can do no wrong in my eyes and I absolutely cannot wait to take him swimming this summer....luckily I happened to find a fabulous pair of infant board shorts for him recently...I know, I have issues - I really like to cook and I also happen to like to shop.  Accept it.  I suppose it goes without saying - If I ever date again, it would be best if that guy liked to eat well and go to the gym....enough said

December 2010

Originally written 12/03/2010

I had an appointment with my neurologist this afternoon and it seems like I am still heading in the right direction!  He thinks I am ready to visit a vocational specialist who will help to determine if I am ready to head back to work and in what capacity.  He also said I am ready to meet with the driving instructor to get tested and see how much instruction I will need to get back behind the wheel on my own again.  I am so happy that the appointment went well and he sees that I am ready to get back out into the real world.  He also invited me back to the brain injury conference this year - hopefully I will be on a panel of survivors that participate in question and answer sessions.  The holidays are here and my miracle is just around the corner - I can feel it!  I know I was already granted a huge miracle by surviving this accident but I am ready for another.  I hope I am not being too terribly selfish by wanting another miracle but I do believe I'm ready for it.  This road has been frustrating and at times it has been scary and slippery but after everything I am ready for something fabulous!

The rest of December:

The rest of the month is a little bit of a whirlwind.  Caryn and Mark celebrated their beautiful wedding, I got to spend time with several friends, Jamie went past her due date and we were just waiting to hear from Nate to tell us to get on the road and get to Vegas....except Jackson was apparently very comfortable where he was an was in no hurry to grace the world with his presence.  Mom, Dad and I finally decided to pack up and head to Vegas.  Jamie was finally induced and my gorgeous nephew Jackson was born on 12/24/2010!  I have already promised him that we will never combine his birthday with Christmas, his gifts will always be separate!  What a delightful addition to the holidays...being graced with the arrival of a beautiful little prince.

November 2010

Originally written 11/16/2010


I haven't written in quite awhile, I seem to have gotten caught up in posting my previously written posts. Let's see...what has been going on? My sisters best friend Kristin gave birth this week which came as a huge surprise because Maddie arrived 3 1/2 weeks before they thought she would - scary. Mom and baby are healthy and happy - things just moved alot quicker than anticipated! We did get to have the shower 1 week prior to Maddie's arrival so at least Kristin and Jeremy had received all the gifts and goodies for their little bundle of joy. She is little, 5 lbs, 10 oz - wow, tiny! Jamie decided to learn from Kristin's experience and has already packed her hospital bag even though she is not technically due until mid-December.



Originally written 11/30/2010
 
Again I find myself falling behind on writing blog posts...really?  What other stuff do I have going on?  We went to Las Vegas last weekend so we could attend another baby shower being thrown for Jamie, sadly my mom got sick and it knocked her out for the whole weekend and then some.  I guess we should look at it as mom's first real mommy lesson for Jamie - you have to stay away from your baby when you are sick - bummer.  Mom was stuck in the hotel room all weekend, I got to spend time with Jamie and we did some Christmas shopping and just hung out.  Dad helped Nate put up the chair railing in Jackson's room.  My dad is a wonderful, giving man but he is not exactly the handiest of fellows.  The boys did manage to finish the accents for the room, it looks so great! 
We made it back to San Diego and mom was still sick, we had to pass up an invitation to Thanksgiving with great friends because they have a new baby in the family, Madison arrived a little early and we didn't want mom's germs around Madison's premature immune system.  I ended up dragging dad to the grocery store and I cooked Thanksgiving for the three of us.  It turned out OK - not too impressive but edible.  My Christmas shopping is well under way, there are a few things I still need to get but I feel good about what I have accomplished so far.
My beautiful friend Caryn is getting married this coming weekend, I have my jewelry, my shoes, and my purse, my dress is at the cleaners...I am so excited!  I get to see Caryn and Mark get married, I will be with fabulous friends and my parents are coming to the wedding as well ~ what a weekend to look forward to!

Eye surgery

9/14/2010

I haven't blogged in a few weeks now, I think I was freaking out over my surgery. What could have happened? Umm, let's see, it might not work, I may freak out completely while on the operating table, the surgeon could screw up and I may not be able to see anymore, the way my life has been lately I would not be surprised if any of those things happened. There is no limit to how much crap you are dealt and the way things have been lately I wouldn't be surprised if things kept circling down the crapper....so yes, I was scared of so many things and I was certainly not looking forward to having the surgery. The day of surgery finally rolled around, the surgery center called the day of my procedure and said they were running late...of course they were. My surgery ended up being about an hour and a half after it was originally scheduled. I was given an IV with snazzy little drugs to help you relax, then eye drops to numb the eyes - ow, they sting! Apparently the surgery went well, they only did one eye, the right, hopefully they won't have to go back in and do the left eye. The recovery is less than fun, I was good n' pukey in the car on the way home from the surgery. I slept a good part of the rest of the day but I was supposed to stay propped up, so I wasn't super comfortable - I continued to put ice on my face to help alleviate the bruising...it seems to have worked some, swelling isn't bad and the bruising is mostly in the eye...feelin' pretty!

So now what? Now I wait and see if the surgery was successful, I am praying that the double vision is gone and now its time to re-train my eyes and their connection to my brain. I have my post-op appointment on Tuesday - I hope its good news!

9/22/2010
I had eye alignment surgery recently and I'm working on my recovery, its been a long couple of weeks.  I was having a slight melt-down prior to the surgery, what could go wrong?  I was going to be awake while they did the surgery, I was going to be given drugs that caused slight amnesia, I was afraid that I might be the asshole that freaked out on the operating table and acted horribly toward the doctor who was working so hard to help me, the doctor could slip and with the bad luck I seem to have I could loose my sight....seriously, these were the fears running through my damaged little brain.
  I had my post-op appointment and my doctor and he said that my alignment is at least 50% better - yay!  I have been feeling like there is sand in my eye, realistically I know it is the stitches I am feeling but I have to admit that eyeballs gross me out and everything about them freaks me out.  Of course I am still very much looking forward to the day they tell me I am ready for contacts and even though eyeballs freak me out I will figure out a way to get them in and out of my eyes!I am starting to move around more and I can read for extended periods of time now and once we get this baby shower completed I will head back to the gym - very happy about that!
Jamie will be home for her San Diego baby shower next weekend, we have come up with a Dr. Seuss theme and my mom, Jamie's best friends Kristen and Amber, and myself are working hard to make sure everything is just right.  Thank goodness Amber is so creative and comes up with so many great ideas otherwise all the guests would just be sitting around staring at each other!  Luckily I think it will all come together nicely, I have the menu planned, we have started buying supplies and I think all of my years of event planning puts me in a much different mindset, because my mom seems to be in a near panic, and I just believe it will all work out the way it is supposed to...who knows who's way is more accurate, time will tell.  I cannot wait for Jamie and Nate to receive all of the gifts to start their adventure with Jackson and I am so excited to welcome their little bundle of joy to the world this December.  I cannot wait to cuddle with my love bug nephew!