August 2011

Before surgery

Broken bone sticking into trapezes muscle, causing pain for 2 years

one long-running stitch under the skin

This month started out with a bit of a change, I finally received surgery on my left clavicle...long story short - my collar bone was broken in the accident, at the time of my initial hospitalization there were so many other things taking precedence that my collar bone had to be over-looked,  basically what happened was the bone broke, it healed in a super-funky way yet the broken end with a very sharp piece of bone was stuck in the trapezius muscle.  Unfortunately this led to copious amounts of pain which led me to an Orthopaedist who was unwilling to do surgery at the beginning because my brain injury was too fresh and we weren't willing to take any risks with general anestethia...so we waited 2 years and to assist with the pain my physical therapist would tape my shoulder to alleviate the pain from the bone digging into the muscle - but physical therapy ended and I no longer had someone who could tape me together, when I went back to the doctor he unfortunately did not think enough time had gone by to do surgery.  Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful that my doctors have all approached helping me by erring on the side-of-caution to give me the best chance of achieving the most healing but I cannot begin to describe the pain and the constant ache involved in an injury that causes a consistent reminder that you are still not whole.  Fast Forward to July 2011 and I finally received the news that enough time had gone by to where my Doctor felt like it would be safe to finally do the surgery where he pulled the bone out of the muscle and shaved the bone down where it was sticking up.  Sounds fun, doesn't it?  I was a little worried about the effects of the anastethia because lord knows that I do not need anymore challenges and if I had any setbacks in the brain from this surgery I know I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself for pushing for the surgery.  Thankfully I can say that everything on the brain-front seems to be as good as can be expected.  Now I am just waiting for everything in my shoulder to start to feel better.  I got the stitches out yesterday, I go back to the doctor in 2 weeks and I think I am getting close to being able to get back to the gym.  So, now my shoulder won't be causing me constant pain yet I will have had a setback in regards to Weight Watchers....I can always get back to concentrating on my weight loss, right?  Now, a month later, I have been back to my doctor three times and he is very happy with the result of the surgery.  He says the scar may get a little worse over time due to sun exposure but all in all I am thrilled and frankly, I earned any scar that comes along.

stitches removed!

I am stunned at how "normal" it looks now!

Mom and I went to the mall to get a few things the other day, according to mom; as we were walking through the mall some dude from one of the kiosks took notice of me.  When she asked me if I had noticed I told her that I had not, which was the honest truth.  I also explained that as much as I know I have gotten better I still cannot even imagine that any man would be interested in taking all this on.  Yet I do understand that if you were simply looking at me, you would know nothing of the accident and the injuries.  I had a girlfriend ask me what would be important to me in a partner now, was it different than before the accident?  Without even having to think about it I told her that the most important thing to me is that I have to feel safe, before all of this I thought about things like: 1). Does he make me laugh?  2).  Am I attracted to him and his personality?  3).  Do I trust him not to break my heart?  Are those things still important?  Sure, but the absolute number one thing of importance is ***Do I feel safe?  Will that person get me from point A to point B safely?  Will my comfort level and safety be considered?  Will he look out for me in any situation?  Yeah - I know that actually dating is WAY off in the future - if ever -  but those are the things hat come to mind these days.
I went back to Weight Watchers after surgery, I was nervous to step on the scale because I had not been working out and for me hitting the gym is key.  All in all I gained 0.2 pounds, not terrible.  The following week I gained nothing and I lost nothing.  This week I went back to the gym for the first time and although my workout is significantly different than before my surgery I was capable of getting back into it.  I go back to the doctor on the 29th of the month and I will find out when I can start back with my trainer.  I am also very interested in seeing how long it takes me to get back up to the intensity of where I was prior to my surgery.  Today was Weight Watchers weigh-in day once again and I lost that 0.2 pounds so I am right back to where I started weight-wise pre-surgery, the total loss is 20.2 lbs. for now.  I have returned to the gym 4 - 5 days per week and tonight I am going to attempt to take a Zumba class....which should be entertaining if nothing else - my balance still sucks so dancing in a class full of people may not be in the cards for me but I won't find out if I don't at least try.  I do have Zumba for Wii that I attempt in my own living room, I think I know what I am in for but realistically I may not be able to handle this damn class - only time will tell.
We did get to go to Vegas again this month and visit Jackson...8 months old and the best looking kid around, I know I am biased but too bad.  He had two little teeth at the time of our visit and on my, so cute!  We went to watch him in his Gymboree class and he was flirting away with a few of the ladies...I think we may have a little heart-breaker on our hands....

Looking forward to visiting Heather in Arizona in September....until next month, much love and aloha~