Vegas in June

originally written June 2010

I went to Las Vegas with my parents to visit Jamie and Nate which would have been fabulous all by itself BUT someone was smiling down on me from up above and Lauren just happened to be flying in for an overnight in Vegas while we were there. Not only did I get to spend time with my family but I also got to see my best friend, what a great week!

                                             We found this handsome guy outside of Aria!

  Chocolate flowers at Jean-Philippe at Aria - holy talent! 

 Coffee and breakfast at Jean-Philipe at Aria

Outside of the Viva Elvis show at Aria, Lauren channeling her inner rock-star! 

Spring conservatory at Belagio

Heather's visit

originally written June 2010

"Friends are angels who lift our feet when our own wings have trouble remembering how to fly.” I read this quote recently and it made me think of so many people - I have been so blessed throughout my recovery with the amazing love and support from so many people.  Heather is definitely one of those blessings!

 My friend Heather recently came to visit from Arizona, we discovered that it had been 5 years since we last saw one another. Its hard to beieve that it had been so long but the beautiful thing about true friendships is that they can handle a little separation. It took Heather and I about 2 minutes to "catch up" and get back on track. She listened to the story of my accident, listened to my parents tell what they had witnessed, looked through all the photographs from my time in the hospital, and still, she is my friend.  I know that we will remain close after this visit, hopefully I will be able to travel on my own again one day because Heather has invited me to visit her in Arizona and stay with her at her house~ which I would love to be able to do!

We also got to see our friend Regan while Heather was in town.  We saw Regan, her husband Brian, and we were able to meet their beautiful twin girls Quinn and Zoe. What a great weekend!

Joining the gym

originally written June 2010

I have recently joined a new gym. I am so excited to have good, dependable equipment to work out on again, plus they have a pool where I can do water aerobics and walk in the lanes with water weights. I also signed up for a trainer once a week - which is super cool. So far, I have met wonderful people at the gym and I believe that they really want to help me recover. Telling the story of my accident is always tricky because I never know how people will respond, but as I told my story to the people at LA Fitness I was pleasantly surprised at how they seemed to understand my limitations yet still see the potential for me to continue recovering. I'm up to 17 minutes on the elliptical machine and my left foot is starting to stay where it is supposed to while I am working on the machine so I am very happy to watch my progress. It is crazy to think about how long it takes to re-build stamina after a little coma-stint.
So, I went to water aerobics and made it through the whole class, there were a few things I couldn't do because of pain in my left shoulder but I will have to talk to the instructor to find out what I can do instead.  After class several people sat in to hot tub and I joined them,of course the being at the gym means I am among people other than my friends and my family for the first time in almost a year - so leave it to me to spark the interest of a weird dude in the hot tub...there I was minding my own business and bamn - out of nowhere I get hit on in the hot tub.  So, I quickly got out of the hot tub and came pretty close to telling the weird dude that my boyfriend worked at the gym...of course I only know a few people at the gym and I don't know anything about their personal lives so I think its good that I escaped the situation without fibbing about an imaginary boyfriend!  Why me?  Seriously, haven't I been through enough lately?

Sandi & Bobby

originally written June 2010

My aunt and uncle are coming to visit this weekend for an extended weekend visit. I have to say I feel pretty special knowing that they are visiting because they want to see me (now that I am home from the hospital) and just make sure I really am doing as well as I say I am. I haven't seen them in a long time and they are always so much fun to be around so I am sure it will be a great visit! Jamie is coming home to join in the festivities and celebrate with us.

We had a wonderful time with Sandi and Bobby, they stayed at the hotel del in Coronado so we got to spend some time in Coronado too. Sandi and Bobby took the family to the coolest concert at Balboa theater in downtown San Diego. We saw a group called Straight No Chaser and I have to say, they were amazing! Here's some information straight from their website:



"If the phrase "male a cappella group" conjures up an image of students in blue blazers, ties, and khakis singing traditional college songs on ivied campuses... think again. Straight No Chaser (SNC) are neither strait-laced nor straight-faced, but neither are they vaudeville-style kitsch."



"Originally formed over a dozen years ago while students together at Indiana University, the group has reassembled and reemerged as a phenomenon – with a massive fanbase, over 20 million views on YouTube, numerous national TV appearances, and proven success with two holiday releases, 2008’s HOLIDAY SPIRITS and 2009’s CHRISTMAS CHEERS. In an era when so much pop music is the product of digital processing and vocal pro-tooling, Straight No Chaser is the real deal – the captivating sound of ten unadulterated human voices coming together to make extraordinary music that is moving people in a fundamental sense... and with a sense of humor."



If you get the chance you really should go see them! It was an amazing show and its hard to believe that there are no instruments in their show, just voices - extremely beautiful voices.



Sadly, our visit with Sandi and Bobby has come to an end. Jamie did spice up their visit by announcing that she is expecting a baby in December - holy crap, I am SO excited!  Sandi and Bobby head back to Atlanta today, I hope I get to see them again soon!

Back in the Kitchen

originally written June 2010

I finally cooked an entire dinner! We had our friends from across the street over for dinner tonight and I finally got to cook more than just one dish. My mom made the appetizer and the dessert, Beth brought the salad and I did the rest...it was damn good, if I do say so myself. I have really only slowly been making one dish at a time but somehow today it was possible for me to be in charge of more than one thing. It feels so good to get a piece of my life back, being in the kitchen and planning a menu just feels right to me. Yes, I have to think things through alot more now, it used to be second nature to me not I have to take things alot slower, but if I keep at it I will get there. Someday it won't be such a challenge to get a meal on the table, someday I will cook for friends, enjoy the evening and not have to be in bed by 9:00 pm afterwards.
I have been going through all of the crap I have stashed at my parents house over the years and good Lord, I have aot of stuff!  I did find old notebooks from culinary school and it brought back so many memories of being in school and living in Las Vegas...I'm thrilled to have found long lost, well-loved recipes!  I also found old photo albums and it  just makes me laugh, boys I have dated, fashions I felt that I could rock, my how things change....

Bunny Ears

originally written June 2010

So, today I went out to lunch with my Mom. We went out to the car and someone pulled in next to us, I glanced in their backseat and saw a shdow of what I thought was a kid wearing bunny ears, which made sense at sthe time, since tomorrow is Easter. I told my Mom about it and she said "I don't see a kid but I see their big dog. So yeah, really I saw a dog. When will I start using my new eyesight the right way?  This "new vision" has really thrown me for a loop - I never knew how easy I had it before and I miss being able to see things clearly without my glasses. Things have changed (obviously) and I need to remember to double check everything I think I see because more than likely I "saw" it wrong.  The ggod thing is that I had eye alignment surgery a few months ago, supposedly they came close to getting rid of the ever-present double vision.  Luckily I was not seeing with double vision all the time, apparently it was spaced far apart and I was able to block out seeing double most of the time - I don't know how and I don't understand why but that is just the way it was...not fun!  I just went back to the eye surgeon this past Monday and my alignment is at least 50 % better, there is the possibility of more surgery in the future if I want them to improve upon what they have already done...now we just wait and see...

Book Quotes:Friendship

Have you been lucky enough to find a great friend?  I can happily say that I have found many.  I have ladies in my life that make me laugh, these ladies can find the funny in just about anything.  These are the friends I know I can turn to when things get too rough or if I start feeling down about this perilous journey of recovering from a TBI (traumatic brain injury).  I honestly don't know where I would be today without such lovely friends.  I also feel blessed to know that my sister is not just my sister, she is my friend.  She celebrates my successes and mourns my failures.  She came out to Hawaii when I was injured and she has been such a good source of support and strength throughout this messy journey.  Here friends is where I will extend my thanks and my undying gratitude for standing by my side and willing me to get better when I couldn't even open my eyes.  You make a difference in my life and for that I will always hold you dear to my heart.   

"We could finish each other's sentences and use nicknames or code words that meade no sense to outsiders." In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

                                              with Lauren on one of her visits to the Big Island

"we treasured our friendship like a rainstorm in a desert." In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

My family with Kate at the Muana Surfrider before she had to leave the island to head back to the mainland

                   Randy visited me at the hospital, we called Lauren together...I don't remember this at all
                                       (not bad for a guy that cannot stand to be near a hospital)

                                                  Tera and Sonja, at Queens hospital

                                        Tera helping me try to figure out my email passwords

                                            Misty, Tera, Kate and I, dinner in the backyard

                                              celebrating Tera's birthday...pre-accident

                                                  with Lauren at the beach in Oahu

"someone who looks effortlessly put together. one of those rare gals who women and men gravitated toward; the type of person my mother's generation would call lovely. Try as you might to find some reason to dislike her, you simply couldn't. She was intelligent, articulate, giving, and poised, with a wicked sense of humor." In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

Book quotes: going back to work

I never thought I'd truly miss working, but I do.  I miss the social interaction and I miss creating something beautiful for people to enjoy as dessert.  I miss feeling useful and feeling like I have a purpose.  People say "you do have a purpose, your purpose is to get better."  Can I just tell you that things like that kind of make me want to hit you?  I wouldn't hit you hard and I wouldn't hit you in the head but I think that a little bruise might make you think twice about being so condescending and I know it would make it easier for me to withstand whatever "helpful" thing you are about to spout off.  I know people are trying to help and nobody knows what to do for me to help me get through - just be there.  Tell me what is going on in your life and help me to feel like I am still a part of things...

                   Brewfest Cupcakes - yum!                          Mayoral Luncheon

Chef Eric and the kitchen boys came to visit me at the Rehab of the Pacific in Oahu !

                                           Hospital room wall, pictures of friends and food...


"I'd missed all these people and it was clear they'd missed me too. It felt like coming home."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

Book quotes: neurologist

"Your recovery is going to be painstaking, like the way ants are building the tunnels, one grain at a time. But you will get there, I just know it."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
I think its possible that I have the best neurologist ever, I won't include his name because I don't have permission.  I will say that every time I have an appointment I leave his office feeling more positive than I did when I walked in.  Not long ago I had an appointment and at the end he grabbed my knee and said "don't worry, we'll get you back".  I practically danced away from that appointment becuse I believed him, I believe that some day I will get back to just being me.  Maybe I will be different but I still have dreams and I still have the love of my friends and my family and I still believe that if you really want something and you work hard enough you will acheive it.

Book Quotes, more info

 "This kind of injury...it is complicated. It takes a long time for the brain to heal; it's about patience. Always remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Healing from brain injuries can easily take up to eighteen months, even two years."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

I understand that I have to be patient and let me tell you, patience is not one of my strong suits.  I do try, I accept that this is what I have been dealt and I do solemnly swear that I will come out on the right end of this stick.  There just aren't any other options, and this particular junction in this fight might be where my stubbornness actually works in my favor.

 
"The brain is a big hurdle. There is no way to say how much will come back."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
Its scary to realize that there is no way for the doctors and nurses to determine how much my brain will heal.  They have recommendations and suggestions but it is very different than simply taking a prescription.  Each patient is so different from the next, it would be unfair and incorrect to lump all brain injuries into one category.  So much of the recovery comes from time, let time go by and continue to challenge yourself and slowly things will start to come together.  Impatience is the enemy I battle with on a daily basis...
 
"If you are a person who sharpens pencils for a living and you have a brain injury, you will probably not have as many neurons from your former life to help rehabilitate yourself." In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
This quote gave me so much hope, because quite frankly my job was complicated and demanding.   I did not have a boring job, I was expected to perform and I intended to exceed people's expectations of me.  It took alot of energy and effort to feel like I had gotten to a place in the culinary world where my talents were challenged and appreciated... I have so much more to learn and one day I will be working again and I will be learning  new tricks of the trade. 

Desserts from the menu I created at the Sheraton Keahou Bay resort

 
"The brain heals in amazing ways, You can't discount that."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.



"His head wound needed to be stable to heal, and his brain was not yet ready to wake itself up. It was still rebooting; the connections inside were not yet complete."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

I wish my mom had been able to reference this book while she waited for me to wake up from my coma, this quote may have given her a little more strength at the time.  There just weren't any answers as to how long I would remain in a coma and if I ever came out of it nobody knew how I would adapt.

with the tube in my head

the tube has been removed ~ I'll take a few stitches over a tube any day!

For awhile I had a tube in my head, it measured the pressure in my brain and helped determine whether or not they would need to cut out a part of my skull to allow space for more swelling.  Thankfully, they never had to cut out any of my skull, I can only imagine how much harder that would have made my recovery.  As it was I took my sweet time waking up from the coma and I spent a long while not speaking at all.

"emblem for life: the need to be kind to yourself every single day because you simply can't know what is next."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"Danger was impossible to avoid. Bad things could happen to people everywhere, no matter how safe they tried to be."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"You can take precautions in life, but they are like seatbelts, they won't necessarily keep you safe."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
Do the things that are good for you, things that make you happy.  Don't put yourself or anyone else in harm's way, don't take unnecessary risks.  I hate to be the one to tell you that life doesn't necessarily work out the way you expect it to.  Be good to the people that you love, be a good friend - even if you have to go out of your way a little because it makes a difference.  So many people went out of their way to let me know that I wasn't alone, that they were thinking about me and praying for the best outcome possible.  Those things mattered, they helped me get through each day and look forward to what was coming next.  
 
"... an explosion caused the brain to slosh around against the skull. This sheared off millions of neurons and caused damage that wouldn't be revealed until Bob woke up. Even then it could take time. Sometimes the differences were subtle - slightly impaired judgement or cognitive ability, perhaps - and sometimes they were more grave, like major personality differences. One of the greatest frustrations with a head injury is that while the person might seem just fine to others, things are profoundly changed inside." In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

Starting to wake up from my coma, one eye slightly open - ugh, so creepy!

"People have a whole new appreciation for the value of life, of what it means to be spared." In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"Every long-winded well-meaning expression of sympathy was a giant highlighting marker over the fact that I was different."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"I wanted people I knew to acknowledge my pain and then move on, with the speed of a wedding receiving line. I wanted, more than anything, to be one of them again."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
Yes, I want people to be aware of my accident and know that I fought my way back.  I do not want the accident to be the only thing they see when they look at me.  If its the only thing they can talk about with me then I will feel like I failed because there is so much more to me than this one incident.  I am fully aware that this was a major incident but I also believe that I am made up of alot of pieces, so many pieces have nothing to do with this accident.  Yes I was involved in a life-changing accident - next...


"The exact extent of my injuries is still difficult to measure, but I see improvement everyday. With the help of intense cognitive rehabilitation, the healing powers of the human body, and the profound support of friends and family, I have come closer to my old self, little by little. But I will never be the same. "   In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"traumatic brain injuries: diagnosing the problem is just the beginning. The real work takes place in rehab. ...needs professional cognitive rehabilitation to help connect those neurons, to work with any individual deficits, and to develop coping strategies as they heal. There is so much more to be done on this front."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

Book quotes: Only you

"But I also learned that the scar is always there, just below the undergarments, although the raw wound may close. And when you turn, examining yourself at the end of the day before bed, it is you who can see it best in the mirror."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"there are no shortcuts to healing. There is no circumventing the pain. To truly heal, you must walk right through the blazing core of grief and face it head on, every agonizing day. Only then can you begin to take baby steps towards recovery."   In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"There are no good luck charms, no tailsmans or deals with the devil. Misfortune and trouble can find you at any time."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
 
"different ability"  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff. 
 
"I understood the strength of being in the company of women. It was pwerfully good medicine. " In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

 



  
"Life is so much more interesting when there is someone you truly respect who is trying to kick your butt, who makes you rise to a higher level to compete. It raises the level of your game."   In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

 
"On the wall oppposite my bed there weree blown-up photographs of my family, and just looking at them was motivating. Those pictures brought me more than happiness; they gave me a powerful will to recover."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

the pictures on the wall in my hospital room were mostly of my work, I had pictures of friends and family but most of my nurses and doctors commented on the work photos...yay cupcakes!

I saw potential head injuries everywhere."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

This is true, I see potential head injuries EVERYWHERE I look!  Please don't use your cell phone when I am in the car with you, actually don't use it in the car ever.  I think about how I could potentially get hurt everywhere I go - it's very distracting and rather depressing!  I can't help it, my mind wanders and all of a sudden I am worried about something bleak.

"Although I was often hard on myself and the slow pace of my progress, I could see small changes."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

" "I've earned these scars," he would joke."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"No one can undergo a life-changing event and be the exact same person they were before it happened. I am a more grateful person now, on so many levels. I truly appreciate the depths of friendship and I'm thankful.  I've also had to relearn how to do certain things I once took for granted."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
This quote really struck a chord with me on so many levels, as much as this recovery SUCKS it has taught me so much about myself.  I believe that I have the best, most accomodating family and friends in the world.  I am more thankful for everything.  I am not as hard on myself as I once was.  I do not reccomend changing your life by getting into a horrible accident but I do reccomend finding the positive in every situation.
 
"I have to say that I spent very little time looking back at what was lost."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
This, too, is true, every once in awihle I catch myself saying "this used to be so much easier".  What good is it going to do me to constantly be looking backwards?  Look at the now and try to do better - that's really all anyone can do.

In an Instant - quotes

originally written May 2010

I took away SO much from Lee and Bob Woodruff's book In an instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing.  I have attached a long list of quotes that struck a chord with me - I hope you enjoy them.  Later in this blog I will discuss my journey a little more and explain just why these specific quoes freally hit home with me so stay tuned and see what is yet to come.    I hope that you can take away something real and meaningful from these quotes, I know I did.  I also feel like if given the opportunity I would totally be friends with Lee Woodruff, she is quick and smart and she gets my offbeat sense of humor, while I may offend some people sometimes I truly believe she would find me entertaining.



In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

"The cognitive injuries a person could suffer were impossible to predict at this stage. Each brain injury is highly individual, and recovery still remains somewhat of a mystery to medical science. But the more faculties a person has going into an injury - intelligence, motivation, engagement in life, even support from family and friends - the better the prospects for recovery."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"This kind of injury...it is complicated. It takes a long time for the brain to heal; it's about patience. Always remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Healing from brain injuries can easily take up to eighteen months, even two years."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"People responded to tragedy in so many different ways. I would lead the charge with my offbeat sense of humor and somehow, by doing that, give everyone permission to laugh. Laughter would keep us sane, it would provide relief. Even laughter was a tiny way to take action."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"It was easy to hear the word injury and assume that meant it would be a matter of weeks before things knitted themselves back together. A sane person, a person whose mind was not in the zone, would have taken one look at Bob and wondered if he would survive, let alone ever function again."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Gallows humor has its roots in the quest for sanity. When the situation is so black, so dark, that grief or fear threatens to overwhelm, there is nothing like a good joke or two to resuscitate hope."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"the brain is a big hurdle. There is no way to say how much will come back."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"The magnitude of the story and how our family's experience would touch a chord. ...but with countless others who had suffered grave injuries and fought hard to recover. "  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"If you are a person who sharpens pencils for a living and you have a brain injury, you will probably not have as many neurons from your former life to help rehabilitate yourself."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.
 




"recovery from a brain injury would seem eternal. Improvement would occur at a snail's pace. If anyone believed this would be a smile healing, like breaking a leg, they needed to think again."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"If I had only known then how wonderful it was, that simplicity of life's everyday routine"  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"No matter how black the hours, light, laughter, and feeling will slowly begin to trickle back one day."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"But I also learned that the scar is always there, just below the undergarments, although the raw wound may close. And when you turn, examining yourself at the end of the day before bed, it is you who can see it best in the mirror."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"there are no shortcuts to healing. There is no circumventing the pain. To truly heal, you must walk right through the blazing core of grief and face it head on, every agonizing day. Only then can you begin to take baby steps towards recovery."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"There are no good luck charms, no talismans or deals with the devil. Misfortune and trouble can find you at any time."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

 "characteristics common to traumatic brain injuries. many people with head injuries exhibit actions that are inappropriate: agitation, frustration, and outbursts not unlike an infant's."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.


"Abnormal behavior might simply become part of what Bob's therapists would teach me to call "the new normal"."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.


"With most brain injuries, the filter in our heads that we all use to get along in society slips. People lose their inhibitions in ways both shocking and painful for their loved ones."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.


"The brain heals in amazing ways, You can't discount that."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.


"His head wound needed to be stable to heal, and his brain was not yet ready to wake itself up. It was still rebooting; the connections inside were not yet complete."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Remember, love is in the guts and the rest is in the brain."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"emblem for life: the need to be kind to yourself every single day because you simply can't know what is next. "  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"We could finish each other's sentences and use nicknames or code words that made no sense to outsiders."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Sometimes it was easier to operate on blind faith."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"we treasured our friendship like a rainstorm in a desert."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"someone who looks effortlessly put together. one of those rare gals who women and men gravitated toward; the type of person my mother's generation would call lovely. Try as you might to find some reason to dislike her, you simply couldn't. She was intelligent, articulate, giving, and poised, with a wicked sense of humor."   In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Danger was impossible to avoid. Bad things could happen to people everywhere, no matter how safe they tried to be."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"You can take precautions in life, but they are like seat belts, they won't necessarily keep you safe."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"different ability"  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"We made it impossible for him to take himself too seriously."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"I understood the strength of being in the company of women. It was powerfully good medicine."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"I have heard it said that when God takes something away he gives something back."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Life is so much more interesting when there is someone you truly respect who is trying to kick your butt, who makes you rise to a higher level to compete. "It raises the level of your game."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"an explosion caused the brain to slosh around against the skull. This sheared off millions of neurons and caused damage that wouldn't be revealed until Bob woke up. Even then it could take time. Sometimes the differences were subtle - slightly impaired judgement or cognitive ability, perhaps - and sometimes they were more grave, like major personality differences. One of the greatest frustrations with a head injury is that while the person might seem just fine to others, things are profoundly changed inside."   In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Research showed that caregivers routinely reported feeling isolated and trapped."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Damage to the front of the head, or frontal lobe, often resulted in a loss of executive function. This is the part of the brain that organizes our actions without even thinking about it."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Many victims of car accidents whose head slammed into the windshield, or soldiers who had blast injuries, came home "flat" and unemotional. Sometimes the personality came back. More often than not, it didn't."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"People have a whole new appreciation for the value of life, of what it means to be spared."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Everything has to start somewhere as his brain relearns how to give commands to his body."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"It's sad," Dr. M said. "It's sad what happened to you and your children, but I've never seen one family yet who didn't rise to the occasion. People love you and will support you. People put one foot in front of the other every day. They figure out how to do this."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"On the wall opposite my bed there were blown-up photographs of my family, and just looking at them was motivating. Those pictures brought me more than happiness; they gave me a powerful will to recover. "  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Your recovery is going to be painstaking, like the way ants are bailing the tunnels, one grain at a time. But you will get there, I just know it."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Those pentagons represented the two halves of his brain. One contained the love he felt for his family and the gratitude he had for being alive; the other side was the tempest, the horrible raging fear and disorientation that lived in his brain right now, as he tried to make sense of his new world."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Every long-winded well-meaning expression of sympathy was a giant highlighting marker over the fact that I was different."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"I wanted people I knew to acknowledge my pain and then move on, with the speed of a wedding receiving line. I wanted, more than anything, to be one of them again."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"I saw potential head injuries everywhere."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.




"I had been on go mode, always moving forward, making decisions, not allowing myself to feel very much."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"Although I was often hard on myself and the slow pace of my progress, I could see small changes."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"As much as I loved and respected my therapists, they were not there to give me a break. It was their job to help me put it all back together, to teach me coping skills for my deficits."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"it was a matter of building the new neural connections that led to them. Much of it was time. The brain takes longer to heal than any other organ." In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

 

"I've earned these scars," he would joke.  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"We've all endured a crisis. And we've survived to feel the miraculous force of recovery at work. What I do know is that I have been blessed. I have been very, very lucky - "  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"The exact extent of my injuries is still difficult to measure, but I see improvement everyday. With the help of intense cognitive rehabilitation, the healing powers of the human body, and the profound support of friends and family, I have come closer to my old self, little by little. But I will never be the same."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"No one can undergo a life-changing event and be the exact same person they were before it happened. I am a more grateful person now, on so many levels. I truly appreciate the depths of friendship and I'm thankful"  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"I've also had to relearn how to do certain things I once took for granted."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"I'd missed all these people and it was clear they'd missed me too. It felt like coming home."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"I have to say that I spent very little time looking back at what was lost."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"traumatic brain injuries: diagnosing the problem is just the beginning. The real work takes place in rehab. ...needs professional cognitive rehabilitation to help connect those neurons, to work with any individual deficits, and to develop coping strategies as they heal. There is so much more to be done on this front."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.






"I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to hold my hand, praying that I would wake up and someday recover."  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, written by Lee and Bob Woodruff.

Lee Woodruff - brain injury seminar

originally written May 2010

As I have said before, the Brain Injury Program at Scripps Encinitas is fabuloso.  They called the house one day to ask if my parents and I would be interested in being interviewed and photographed by the Union Tribune newspaper when they covered a story about brain injury and the annual conference being held at Scripps La Jolla this year.  And, we were invited to attend the conference and listen to Lee Woodruff speak about brain injury and its affect on her family.  She and her husband co wrote a book and if I can get just one person to read their book and begin to understand brain injury then I will feel like my struggle has made a difference.  Please read  In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing by Lee and Bob Woodruff, its brilliantly written and you will have a greater understanding of Brain Injury when you have read and digested their book.



Caring for brain-injured is subject of seminar



By Keith Darcé, UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER






Sunday, March 28, 2010 at 12:05 a.m.





(photo from the grocery store goes here)
Steve Schlimmer helped his daughter, Nikki, with a shopping list last week at a supermarket. Nikki Schlimmer suffered a serious brain injury during a fall last year. Her therapy sessions have been cut by her insurer. 


LA JOLLA— For Lee Woodruff, wife of the ABC News anchor who was nearly killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq in 2006, the kindest act directed at her after her husband’s injuries came weeks after the explosion.
One of Bob Woodruff’s physical therapists asked Lee Woodruff how she was handling things, the author and TV news editor said yesterday in La Jolla, where she spoke to a packed room of health providers who care for brain-injured patients.
“Floodgates,” Woodruff said, recalling her reaction to the inquiry. “An entire box of tissue was gone.”
More tears came when the therapist began massaging Woodruff’s neck.
“Human touch is so important,” she said.
But doctors, nurses and other caregivers often miss opportunities to offer such simple gestures of comfort to family members of their patients, who can be stricken by depression, fear, isolation and anger over their relative’s debilitations,
Woodruff was the keynote speaker at the fifth annual Brain Injury Rehabilitation Conference sponsored by the Rehabilitation Center at Scripps Memorial Hospital Encinitas. The two-day seminar, held at a conference center at Scripps Memorial Hospital-La Jolla, featured sessions on recent research efforts, emergency room care and sexuality after brain injuries.
Yesterday’s audience included Nikki Schlimmer, 35, who moved in with her parents in the Scripps Ranch area of San Diego in October, nearly three months after she suffered a brain injury.
Schlimmer had been working as a pastry chef at a hotel in Hawaii when she bounced out of a moving Jeep and landed on her head.
After nearly dying from the injuries, Schlimmer returned to San Diego to continue her recovery. Her speech remains stilted and her balance is uncertain. She can’t drive and she hasn’t returned to work.
“It has been difficult to watch her struggle day to day with trying to improve,” said her mother, Lana Schlimmer. “Yet she has been persistent in slow progress that is really miraculous to see.”
A major problem has been getting Nikki Schlimmer’s health insurer to continue paying for therapy sessions with professionals, Lana Schlimmer said. The daughter received care through the brain injury day treatment program at Scripps Memorial Hospital-Encinitas until the insurer cut off funding for the service.
Psychologist Nicole Andreatta told seminar attendees that the lives of family members are significantly altered when they take over the care of a brain-injured relative.
The disruption and stress can lead to increased conflicts, isolation from the outside world and divorce, said Andreatta, who directs an Escondido brain injury center for Learning Services.
Support from health care providers and community services, particularly beyond the second year after the injury occurred, could prevent many of those problems, she said.
Help can even come in the choice of words that health providers use to discuss recovery expectations, Andreatta said.
“When you start talking about the future in terms of what the person was before (the injury), it tends to be more negative,” she said. “But when you talk about moving on to better things to come, that tends to be more helpful.”
Woodruff’s personal struggles have included severe panic attacks, worries about the psychological well-being of her children and overcoming an addiction to sleeping pills, which she wrote about in one of two books about her experiences.
Recalling moments when doctors discussed her husband’s early outlook in discouraging clinical terms, Woodruff exhorted seminar attendees to offer family members reasons for remaining hopeful, no matter how dire the diagnosis for their relatives.
“You have to give me something,” she said. “Tell me the story of the patient who completely surprised you — who defied the odds.”
Woodruff’s husband returned to work as a television journalist more than a year after the roadside bomb crushed the left side of his head and sent rocks and shrapnel ripping through his face and throat. He continues to work as a full-time reporter for ABC.

Acupuncture

originally written May 2010

My orthopaedist suggested I try acupuncture and massage to help relieve the pain radiating from where I broke my clavicle.  The acupuncturist said he will try to "re-wire" me.  I have only had one appointment so far but I think it helped!  For several days following the appointment last week I was able to move my left hand better and the pain in my shoulder was not as bad as it normally is, I am so excited about this I cannot even begin to explain it to you!  Having my left hand function at a more normal pace is amazing, I didn't realize how poorly it was moving in the first place.  I knew it was slower and I've never been left handed so it was a little tough to judge but when it started moving at a more regular speed and I didn't have to focus all of my energy into making it do "normal" things I cannot tell you what a relief I feel!  Now, if we can just figure out a way for my right side to stop being so damn cold I would feel like a million bucks!

Today was my second acupuncture appointment, today he worked on my brain.  How scary is it to have someone poke needles into your brain and other places (gotta love that Chinese medicine)!?  Yes, I have several tattoos, yes, I might get a few more but let me tell you - I still have a bizarre fear/dislike of needles, go figure.

Niall tattooing me in my kitchen - weird but fun!  No, its not small but its awesome!

  My third acupuncture appointment was yesterday and once again, I love it!  I'm still hoping to see more improvement in my motor skills and hopefully the temperature on my right side will become bearable.  Justin says that acupuncture tries to teach your body to "heal itself". 

Acupuncture is a Chinese therapy that has been used for centuries. It is based on the theory that there is energy, called chi or qi, flowing through your body. Chi is thought to flow along energy pathways called meridians. Acupuncturists believe a blocking or imbalance of the flow of chi at any point on a pathway may result in illness. Chinese medicine practitioners believe acupuncture unblocks and rebalances the flow of chi to restore health

Acupuncture is considered a holistic approach to curing disorders and discomfort in the body’s system. It is the Asian way of cleansing the body from these illnesses, working its way to clear the natural flow of energy inside the body, as they are weakened or blocked by certain conditions, whether physical or psychological.

11.

Written April 2010

Someone asked me the other day "Why are you writing a blog, what are you going to write about?"  Immediately I thought "Didn't you see Julie and Julia?"  Obviously I think my story should be turned into a movie, just the way "Julie's"  was.  I would love it if my story was interesting enough to be made into a movie - but my life is actually a little boring these days.  I wake up, have breakfast and look at my day.  I might have a doctors appointment, I might have therapy. I might vounteer at the library, I might play Wi, I might walk at the lake, I might make it to the gym, it almost never changes.  Sometimes I have plans with my friends if I'm lucky but everyone has their own life and with those lives come responsibilities and schedules that don't allow them to put me in the limelight all of the time .  Which is actually a good thing because I am not comfortable when I am the center of attention, I feel most comfortable when I am a little bit on the outside, looking in.  Of course, I like to have a front row seat and be close to the center of attention because I do not want to miss anything!  Thankfully, my friends don't mind coming to pick me up and driving wherever we may be going.  I am grateful everyday that my friends are there to support me and pick up the pieces when I start to drop them.  It's amazing how lonely life can be when you don't have socialization forced on you, when you can't just hop in the car and run errands or when you don't have a job to go to everyday.  I catch myself looking back at pictures of times pre-accident when everything was just easier.  I didn't appreciate it at the time but it amazes me to think aboutt the time when I didn't have to pre-plan my every move.

Yes, things were easier awhile ago but I honestly think I like myself a little bit more now.  I think about others more, I look for the good in people, I am better at understanding hard times, I am more patient with people than I used to be.  I wish that I would have come to this epiphany on my own but I didn't, maybe that is the reason for this accident.  I am finally OK with being alone, maybe I won't find my forever with someone else and for the first time I can honestly say that no longer scares the shit out of me.